Solstice letting go

Tula,
You were predicted to be born two days from today.

I'm so sorry, if I could have done anything to keep you
in this world, I would have.
Your leave shocked me, shook my soul with grief
And I saw clearly
that I am not in control-
not of what happens in my body,
nor what happens in the wide world around me.

Today, as I hold in my heart
the memory of your life, felt only by me,
I feel the new baby kick
and know
life is not perfect,
there is no Grand Reason.
There is only continuation of life,
as far as we can see-
life crumbling and being remade.

Inexorable life, larger and wider than we can ever know.
No joy is stolen forever,
no death can silence the living world.