For Bri and Aaron on thier Wedding Day

See how our lives get mixed up like different playdough colors mashed together. Can you separate them, make them as they were before? The colors have affected each other.

Our lives blend together like compatible ideas and they spread
around us, surround us. Can you remove an idea once you have heard it? The way you see the world is permanently altered.

we live every single day together,
and though we have known each other only a small portion of our lives, we have sworn
everything
to each other.

we have leapt into something so ordinary and yet so
bizarre,

together-

we felt we were risking something but were not sure what.

Silently, the gravity of the vows we spoke
have become something invisible, unstoppable.
Growing in size and velocity with each conflict and each kiss.

Marriage, when it is good, is to simultaneously
nurture your Self and
lose your self
into a cooperation
which you have longed for.

To care for another person's dreams and sorrows
as much as you do your own.

We did not say our vows lightly,
but we could not have seen where they would take us, where they have yet to take us.

Solstice letting go

Tula,
You were predicted to be born two days from today.

I'm so sorry, if I could have done anything to keep you
in this world, I would have.
Your leave shocked me, shook my soul with grief
And I saw clearly
that I am not in control-
not of what happens in my body,
nor what happens in the wide world around me.

Today, as I hold in my heart
the memory of your life, felt only by me,
I feel the new baby kick
and know
life is not perfect,
there is no Grand Reason.
There is only continuation of life,
as far as we can see-
life crumbling and being remade.

Inexorable life, larger and wider than we can ever know.
No joy is stolen forever,
no death can silence the living world.